The Sh*t L*st

Just received the following event announcement:



But then wasn't cross-dressing always a part of the traditional formal English high tea service -- or am I confusing it with the Anglican mass?

These things must be among the grossest creatures on earth. They reproduce rapidly, destroy plants and can transmit meningitis. Though, come to think of it, that sounds a lot like us.

Ok. Shit List jubilee for all those people and corporations that got on my bad side over the last few months. I erased the template in which I had you listed here and don't have a back up. A fresh start. Make the most of it. Except for you, Quick & Reilly, Sony, and RIAA. You still have some amends to make!

Ok, I got the voodoo powers back online, but all the other enhancements and refinements (including the raison d'etre for this blog itself -- my Shit List!) are missing. Somebody spill some chicken blood for me.

My carefully crafted template for this blog was just wiped out. And I can't find a backup! I thought maybe I could find a cache of the page on Google and rip the html from that, but it appears that Google doesn't index Blogger sites. So for the time being, it's back to scratch here. And all voodoo powers are inactive at the moment.

I've contacted Blogger support to see if there is any chance of retrieving my template. But the lesson here is clear: Don't play with voodoo. It's powerful shit.

Nicholas Kristof raises a good question in his column yesterday:

While we're on the subject of gay marriage, one question for fundamentalist Christians is this: What's your basis for opposing lesbianism?

Granted, the Bible denounces male homosexuality, although it strikes me as inconsistent not to execute people who work on the Sabbath (Exodus 35:2) and not to crack down on those who get haircuts (Leviticus 19:27) or wear clothes with more than one kind of thread (Leviticus 19:19).

But there's no clear objection in the Bible to lesbianism at all. And since some fundamentalists have argued that AIDS is God's punishment for gay men, it's worth noting that lesbians are at less risk of AIDS than straight women. So if God is smiting gay men for their sin, is he rewarding lesbians for their holiness?

I think both sides can probably agree, on this question as on all theological questions, that's He's really just fucking with our heads.

Continuing with the grandeur-that-was-Rome theme, from a recent New York Times article, "Security Companies: Shadow Soldiers in Iraq":

> They have come from all corners of the world. Former Navy
> Seal commandos from North Carolina. Gurkas from Nepal.
> Soldiers from South Africa's old apartheid government. They
> have come by the thousands, drawn to the dozens of private
> security companies that have set up shop in Baghdad. The
> most prized were plucked from the world's elite special
> forces units. Others may have been recruited from the local
> SWAT team.

What I wonder is who will emerge the Bill Gates of the private security companies industry. And when will he march on Washington?

Remember getting this message forwarded to you after 9/11?



Usually prefaced with statements like "Spooky!!!" or "You've got to read this" (along with six or seven generations of reply carets).

Anyway, a message to forward back to all those friends and relatives who sent you the message above:



Whatever became of that memo anyway? I guess it really is historical now.

Do I spot a trend in the making?

Gay Lovers Climb Tree, Then Have Sex

"Two gay lovers � a man in a black dress and a boy in only a pair of shorts � protested their families' lack of understanding for their relationship by climbing a Central Park tree on Thursday, stripping, performing lewd acts in front of onlookers and refusing to come down for hours."

Soon to be the off-broadway sensation: Romeo and Romeo. Or the case of two young lovers with nothing better to do.

Talked to a friend in Boston last night. He's convinced that there will be a serious terrorist strike in America before the elections. Of course, so is Condi Rice. And Karl Rove is probably banking on it. My friend figures it's just a matter now for the terrorists of deciding whether they want to strike Washington D.C., the New York rail system, or one of the Disney resorts. I told him that I didn't mean him any personal harm, but if I were a terrorist leader, I'd target Boston. It would much more effectively polarize the nation as neo-cons and fundies wouldn't be able to resist saying, "told you so, all you tax-wasting liberals," or moralizing about the attack as some kind of divine jusdgement against the Big Dig. And nevermind the symbolic effect or the effect on morale, you'd be doing some serious tactical damage. It'd be like frontal national lobotomy.

Of course, occurring on Kerry's home turf, it could possibly work to his advantage if he somehow became the organ of public reaction and a focus for popular sympathy. I suppose the true terrorist mastermind, however, would be conscious of this and would be working as diligently as Karl Rove to help Bush get re-elected, since Bush has probably been the best recruiting tool for their organizations (as opposed to our own armed services) since the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan.

Now with voodoo powers!

Voodoo Courtesy of Enetations

The Washington Post reports today:

By 49 percent to 44 percent, Bush was viewed as better able to deal with the country's biggest problems. Five weeks ago, those numbers were reversed. By comfortable margins, voters saw Bush as stronger than Kerry on key national security issues.

Which, of course, begs the question : on the basis of what changes in the facts in the interim?

Richard Clarke's revelations? Bob Woodward's revelations? Stagnant job growth? Increasing death and disorder in Iraq? Further alientation of the Arab world? Condaleeza Rice's "historical" memo performance? His press conference?

Answer:

During the past five weeks, however, Bush's reelection campaign has spent about $50 million on television ads, many of them critical of Kerry. At the same time, Kerry has been less visible than he was during the heat of the Democratic primaries and has struggled to get out his message over the volume of news about Iraq and terrorism.

Ah, the grandeur that was Rome.

Source : Poll Shows New Gains for Bush

I'm happy to report that I didn't have to describe anyone's views as "pig ignorant" or "pignorant" today. It is true that I skipped the president's press conference.

As Homer just said (on tv in the background), "It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

The reason why I have my account with Ameritrade, instead of those widow-beaters and orphan-fondlers over at Quick & Reilly.

"Does anyone remember passion?"
"If you're ever in Jerusalem, don't forget to wear flowers in your hair."
- Strawberry Jesus

An Easter poem:

"Eat Me like a Chocolate Bunny"
The Passion of H. Horatio Heffleflopper

Eat me like a chocolate bunny :
Nibble my nose and bite my ears.
Spend me like a publican�s money.
Put my mortgage in arrears.

Kill me every Friday morning.
Raise me again come Sunday night.
Take a letter to Galaetians :
Devour each other in small bites.

Eat me like a chocolate bunny.
Eat me like a chocolate bunny.
Eat me like a chocolate bunny.
Eat me like a chocolate bunny.
Eat me like a chocolate bunny.

-- Tomohiro Idokoro

In America, The Passion turned out to be a fundamentalist's Last Tango in Paris (or Showgirls), a rather prurient excuse for lurid voyeurism -- in this case, a bit of the old ultraviolence. This is where all the hand-wringing over Mel Gibson's movie becomes more relevant:

Gibson's 'The Passion' a Hit Among Arabs
AP - Mon Apr 5, 1:35 AM ET

Hanan Nsour, a veiled, 21-year-old Muslim in Jordan, came out of "The Passion of the Christ" in tears and pronounced her verdict: Mel Gibson's crucifixion epic " unmasked the Jews' lies and I hope that everybody, everywhere, turns against the Jews."