The Sh*t L*st

Ok. ATT is off the enemies list. But they're not quite off the shit-list. My credit card statement arrived over the weekend listing the coveted phone number to call regarding matters related to credit card charges on public payphone calls. (1-800-657-2466, if you want to call for the time.) So I got up at 7am this morning and gave them a ring. A recording picks up, advising, "If you are calling for information on your billing, press 1. If you are calling for rate information, press 2." So I press 1 and get a recording telling me how to read my credit card bill. Oh, that clears everything up. Fucking ratfucks.

I press 0 and get an operator. After I explain my greivance, she suggests that I am somehow at fault for giving them my credit card number when they requested it. I admit that I found the request a bit untoward at the time, but I didn't want to sound like a paranoid prick. I thought maybe they needed it to compute the rate. Finally, she says that she is unable to reverse charges. I'm not asking you to reverse the natural order of the universe and go back in time, bitch. Just recredit my account for the fucking $12.85. I don't waste my breath but ask for a supervisor. After a couple minutes of dead air, she returns to say they are all in a class and asks me for my name and phone number so someone can call me back. I ask for the name and phone number of someone I can call. She says they are not supposed to release that information. So I give her my digits and ask for the first name of her supervisor and when I might expect a call. She says her supervisor is Pam and that she's not sure when the class ends, but promises a call by the end of the day (Eastern Daylight Time.) I hope that class is about how to take responsibility for a company fuck-up and solve the god-damned problem.

My phone rings about three hours later as I'm getting out of the shower. It's Pam. I'm in a better mood now, having done my morning Yoga and daily anal constrictions. I genially explain my predicament for the thirdteenth time. About midway through it -- when the gist is clear: their operator fucked up by ignoring my request for the rate on my call and, without my authorization, connecting the call -- she steps up and says she'll be happy to help me. After fiddling around for 5 minutes getting my name, address, credit card number, etc. (yeah, it's liberating to give out your credit card number over a wireless line to three complete strangers in the same morning), she says she's happy to discount the call 50%.

"I'm sorry, can you repeat that?"

"I said I'm happy to refund you 50% of the call."

I hate to sound like George Costanza and break the feel-good spirit then presiding over our phone conversation, but I have to ask: "Is that all?"

"Well, you did complete the call. Did you have something else in mind?"

Yeah, the whole fucking thing, and send me a $25 ATT phone card for the bloody inconvenience. But I say, "Well, I would never have made the call if I had known it was going to be more than $3. I would have just walked to the lobby and bought a $5 phone card."

She agrees to reduce the charge to $3 (plus service charges and taxes). I take the high ground and refuse to quibble. It's been our pleasure to serve you, have a great day, click.

I did request the generous supervisor's name as I plan to write a letter thanking ATT for her professional and courteous, if somewhat short-sighted, assistance. Nevertheless, I think it would have been worth ATT's $3 (plus service charges and taxes) to have just refunded me for the whole damned call. For I still demand $3 worth of vengeance!