The Sh*t L*st

This time on /r9k/:



(Why the fuck does Blogger scale down images -- not the thumbnails, but the real image?)

my top 5 conspiracy theories and how much I blieve them on scale of 1-10 (as posted on /b/):

1. jfk assassination - 8
2. moon landing faked - 1
3. fdk let pearl harbor happen - over 9000
4. 9/11 truth - 3
5. shakespeare was earl of oxford - 2

Trolling /b/ in the wake of the big Palin email scoop and came across this (click hard):



Cracked me the fuck up.

I finally signed up for the free Triple Alert credit monitoring I qualified for when a vendor for one of my online brokers lost my private information earlier this year. It's happened 4 times to me this year thanks to both college alma mater and, most recently, my own fucking company.

The letter I received for the free credit monitoring also suggested I signed up for a free credit report with annualcreditreport.com -- not to be confused with the website of that ass-sucking company that inundates the cable news channels with those imbecilic commercials with the guy singing.

First of all, let me point out that they don't give you your actual credit score. You have to pay extra for that. They just give you your report. The fucking weasels.

They do however tell you what ratfucker firms are requesting your information. Here they are. See the address for #1 to understand why that weasel Joe Biden voted for the bankruptcy consumer-ass-fucking act of last year. They've requested my info every month for at least a year straight. And notice the salad-tossers don't even list their phone number. Fuck them all. I hope all their executives and senior management DIAF.

DISCOVER FINCL SVC LLC
PO BOX 15316
WILMINGTON , DE 19850-5316
Phone number not available

AMERICAN EXPRESS
PO BOX 981537
EL PASO , TX 79998
(800) 874-2717

WASHMTL/PROV
P O BOX 9007
PLEASANTON , CA 94566
Phone number not available

This Palin drama is too good to be true. That's why I think it's even better than that and that the latest announcement is all part of a big conspiracy to get Palin the hell off the ticket without making McCain look like an absolute complete fucking ass. He'll still look like a complete fucking ass, just not an absolute complete fucking ass.

I see I'm not alone in my theory. To quote Fresh Intelligence:

Make that 2-0 for David Perel. Fresh off his success with the John Edwards story, sources tell Radar that an aggressive 36-hour push by Perel's National Enquirer reporting team forced Alaska Governor and John McCain's vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin to announce that her 17-year-old daughter Bristol is pregnant, an announcement which effectively puts an end to the Internet rumor that Palin had faked her own pregnancy to cover up her daughter's. (Or does it? There are already conspiracy theories that this pregnancy is being faked to dispel the rumors that Trig, Palin's four-month-old, is really Bristol's child. Kinda crazy, right?)

I think the new fake cover-up pregnancy is all part of an exit strategy. Palin announces before the end of the convention that VP would be too much to juggle with her daughter's new pregnancy. She graciously and regretfully bows out while blaming the vicious attacks by radical left. Family tucks tail back to Alaska never to be heard of in the lower 48 again. McCain tries to pick up the pieces by tapping Huckabee.

Postscript: a wire story a couple months down the road, dateline Alaska, about Palin daughter's miscarriage.

Update:

Jesus Christ! Just saw this page. Here's your smoking gun: the sister-in-law's myspace page (now blocked but quoted here.)

Updated Update:
I mistook "new sister" for "niece". Not really a smoking gun, after all. Sorry. Go back to talking about what a MILF she is.