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Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Bad Karma
There must be more bad karma produced on Valentine's Day than any other day of the year. The thing most people don't realize about bad karma is that it isn't counterbalanced by an equal amount of good karma. It would be nice if good karma and bad karma existed in equal proportions throughout the universe. But the true ratio between bad and good, here on earth at least, is more like 3-to-1. That is because ghosts and angels and minor dieties like to hoard good karma.

A tidal wave of bad karma washes over the shores of the Valentines-celebrating world every February 14th. The waters of this year's karma-tsunami are finally beginning to recede. But only now will people begin to have a better sense of the damage that has been done.

A few tips in dealing with the aftermath of all that bad karma you may have generated:

1. Don't drink and drive for the next three weeks. In fact, don't drink or drive. Cars and alcohols are the most lethals weapons in the arsenal of bad karma. Bad karma's favorite move is the D.U.I.

2. Avoid going out with anybody new for the next four weeks.

3. Don't chew gum. You will bite your tongue.

4. Back up your hard drive and all important data as soon as possible.

5. Don't do anything that has the least possibility of making you look idiotic -- especially in front of people you really don't want to look idiotic in front.

6. Avoid spicy foods.

Ideally, when you have overloaded yourself with bad karma, you will work it off by absorbing many small greivances and annoyances over an extended period time. For instance, your ATM card may stop working. Or you may get a canker sore on a part of your lip where it makes brushing your teeth excruciatingly painful. Avoid oral sex from people with mouth sores.

Karma is portioned out in small doses. Don't worry about the big stuff. Major tragedies are generally just random acts of fate.